“Why doesn’t a girl like you have a boyfriend?”
This question is, quite possibly, one of the things I am most often asked in my life. Not only by guys on NiteFlirt but from family and even some friends. For some reason, I constantly find myself reminding people of my stats: I’m 19, I’m in college, and my single status isn’t a side effect of something being wrong with me; I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t WANT one right now. I’m constantly being given unsolicited advice from friends in the “honeymoon” phase of their new relationships, or from aunts who have some romanticized idea of planning my wedding (um, have I mentioned I’m 19? haha) and even from old ladies in coffee shops or supermarkets who feel the need to let me know that they’d make a move on the solo-guy in line in front of us if they were “my age.”
It might sound like the cliché, “I’m single and loving it!” thing that girls say to keep themselves from crying into their lonely pillow at night, but as a young woman who doesn’t fear for my relationship future, right now I’m all about having fun and not getting too serious. As a college student, I constantly see how my friends tied to relationships struggle with their social decisions, and I do not envy them. The amount of times I’ve been told not to tag a friend on Facebook or Instagram because his or her “significant other” can’t know where they are for the night is astounding. I mean, I can’t image being put in the position to lie about who I’m with and where I am…. well, from anyone other than my mom and dad, maybe. Hehe.
A lot of people think if you’re not that loser girl who is pining after some guy waiting for him to become her boyfriend, that you must be the complete opposite type: the slut who is open for business 24/7 or maybe the anti-love “manhater.” I’m none of the above – I am not promiscuous, but i’m not a prude. I am not searching for and in desperate need of love, but I certainly won’t turn my back on the possibility of someone being a great guy who I’d like to be with, if he so happens to come along. I love having the freedom on any given day to say “no, I’m not interested” or to say “fuck yes, let’s do this!” It’s fucking amazing being a young, attractive, single woman who is aware of her own sexuality, and right now I am owning that!
I know that because I’m single and have sexual freedom, I can experience things that a boyfriend would hold me back from. While I’m this young, hot, and experimental I want to be uninhibited and crazy sometimes. I want to tease and tempt older married men and make out with college boys whose names I can’t remember. I want to have steamy love affairs, scandalous stories to tell, and impassioned conversations with strangers that make me ache for them for days.
When I start thinking about the entire concept of monogamy it feels somewhat archaic to me. Maybe it’s because of my unique situation as a “flirt” that I find the idea of a traditional relationship to be potentially disappointing and unrealistic. I mean, I am in constant contact with men who would rather rub one out in the bathroom while talking to me, than have to even for a second interact with his annoying, nagging wife. I know which end of that situation I want to be on, and being the hot young temptress is way sexier than the girlfriend or wife who is in the dark and doesn’t know what her man wants or needs.
This time spent as a single college girl is and will continue to open my eyes to so many things I otherwise may not know about myself and about men. I know what gets me off and what I’m worthy of. I know that anyone who makes me feel modest, embarrassed, or ashamed in any way about what I like or don’t like isn’t someone who deserves me or my time. Yet I also know that if I’m not willing to be selfless and attend to the needs of a guy, then I can’t expect him to just sit around and patiently wait for me until I am “in the mood.” Sex is incredibly important to a successful relationship, and unless you take the time to explore your own sensuality when you have the freedom to do so, I believe you run the risk of ending up in the type of relationship that is mundane, predictable, or unfulfilling.
So, as Valentine’s Day weekend approaches and guy friends, ex-boyfriends, and classmates who have apparently been admiring me from afar think they are throwing me a bone by asking me out for a V-Day date, I say, “don’t do me any favors!” This Valentine’s Day I won’t be pretending to like the roses a guy got me instead of the lilies I really wanted or be disappointed by the milk chocolate candies when he knows I only like dark. I won’t be annoyed at the fake attempt to give me some contrived version of a “romantic” date night that, in reality, neither of us actually want to go on. Instead, I’ll be going on a kick ass rock climbing/movie/casual dinner “date” with my other single besties, and I know at the end of the night if I’m feeling in need of something more… I have my own fingers and about a dozen boyfriends on NiteFlirt who know exactly how to take care of me!